While speaking about the war on terror yesterday, President Obama said, “There is, of course, no foolproof solution. We have to stay one step ahead of a nimble adversary.” Sounds like somebody saw Sherlock Holmes over the holiday.

President Obama also said, “We are at war against al-Qaida, and we will do whatever it takes to defeat them.” Then Obama was like, “Literally whatever it takes — speeches, talks, speech talks, talks about speeches, speaking about the talk I just spoke about.”

In Obama’s defense, he is taking responsibility for the security lapse on Christmas. Obama said, “Ultimately the buck stops with me.” Then he was like, “Unless it’s a billion bucks, in which case it just goes to AIG.”

The Mexican government says that Starbucks is using a pre-Aztec logo without permission. In fairness, Mexico is using the United States without permission.